Mothers’ May -5/17/16

Happy Mothers’ May, friends!  Today we celebrate Nedoux’s grandmother.  Nedoux is a talented dressmaker and blogger from Nigeria. She blogs at Nedoux. Check out her site, but while you’re here, please join me in celebrating her maternal grandmother  Ms. Anna.

MY MOTHER’S MOTHER

My grandma’s name was Anna Okoh, she passed away two years ago. We lived in different states and had phone conversations limited by language, mine in a regretful smattering of Igbo (my native Nigerian language ) asking how she was doing and hers, in very fluent Igbo, were mostly prayers for me.

There’s something about how the loss of a person opens our eyes to the things we should have said or done and how we might have tried to be more for them. When she passed on, I wished I’d spent more time with her, there are things about her that I still wish I knew.

My mother’s raw grief surprised me, I did not expect it to be as intense as it was. I’d assumed that because my grandma was very old, the pain would be bearable. It was then that I realised that all my life I’d mostly seen my mother from the perspective of being “mummy” to me, but she was actually also someone else’s child and they had a relationship that had now ended forever.

This understanding made me quite fearful of the gaping hole that would appear in my life when my own mother leaves.

These days, I savour my mother’s presence, I don’t take it for granted at all. I try to enjoy our conversations, I try to do things that remind her that I love her.

As a child I thought my mum was brave to argue with her own mother, imagine my amusement when I had similar arguments with my mother when I was older. I’ve learned that there is no bitterness when arguing with a person that you love genuinely, words are exchanged then we understand each other better and continue to love.

The things that I remember about my grandmother are permanently imprinted on my memory, like how she used to dye her grey hair with black indigo powder, her beautiful soft afro hair, the fragrance of her skin oils, her warm smile and how she loved my mother. Remarkably, the memory that I cherish most of all is how my mother loved her.

If you’d like to celebrate your mom during Mothers’ May,  please click here.